Lovely Fawn is an amateur musician who loves to watch reality shows about talent contests and singing. She is also fond of cooking shows, but admits that she is not much of a cook herself. If she could live out any dream, it would be to race cars, as she has always wondered what it might be like to be a race car driver.
“We live in world where it is basically illegal to criticize anybody for anything,” Fawn says philosophically. “I know that sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. You can’t tell a fat woman she’s fat, because that is ‘shaming.’ You can’t tell a stupid person they are stupid, because that is also ‘shaming.’ It doesn’t matter that fat people aren’t healthy or that stupid people are frequently a danger to themselves. Pointing this out is considered a worse crime than a lot of other things you might say. It’s become so ridiculous out there that they’ve started arresting people in East Coast subways for sitting with their legs too far apart on public transit. So in this bizarre world where everybody gets a trophy, fat girls are supposedly ‘beautiful at any size,’ and a looker like me is supposed to get mad when a man talks to me on the street or asks for my phone number, we all crave some return to normalcy. We may not even know it, but we all want to get back to where things make sense, where hot women are regarded as a good thing and they enjoy being complimented.”
Fawn explains that this is why she likes reality television. “I like any reality television show that involves harsh judges telling terrible people they are terrible,” Fawn says, laughing. “Now, a lot of people would tell you, the people who criticize these shows, that liking that kind of entertainment means you’re a mean person. You enjoy the pain of others. You like seeing their dreams crushed because there is just something wrong about you, some attitude that you need to correct. But the real truth is none of these things! The real truth is that we love reality talent shows because we live in a world where everyone does get a participation trophy for playing, kids don’t keep score at school sporting events, and nobody is ever allowed to criticize anyone for anything, ever, or they’ll be accused of some ridiculous social crime that has its roots in political correctness.”
Fawn goes on, “When we see one of those reality talent shows, we finally get to see stupid people be told that they are stupid. If someone doesn’t have talent, there is that one mean judge to tell them so. Someone gets up and sings badly, the mean judge says, ‘Hey, you sing badly.’ We crave that kind of justice. We crave seeing things go the way we think they should, instead of the contrived way that modern society is driving them to be. I think we all crave a return to that sort of normal state, where your actions have consequences, your abilities or your lack of them mean something, and people actually reap what they sow.”
Never one to shrink from a challenge, Fawn is happy to respond to questions about what her own talents might be. “My job,” she says proudly, “is to be as sexy as possible for the clients who book my time. In my world, being desirable is the same as printing money. It’s what my clients want. It’s what they expect. In fact, if I’m not as desirable as I can possibly be, I’m actually letting the client down. He has paid for a very specific dating experience. My agency cuts through the red tape and puts him immediately in touch with a sexy woman who can spend time with him and get to know him. He skips all the awful stuff about traditional, conventional dating. He doesn’t waste the time or the effort on women who don’t have his best interests at heart. Instead, he gets a professional entertainer who can treat him with the respect that he deserves, usher him along the entire dating process, and help him relax if this is necessary.”
Fawn’s love of music has led her to attempt a variety of different instruments. “I’m still looking for what I like best,” she says. “I have tried a few different ones. And no, I’m not going to go on any talent music shows any time soon. But it’s good to be artistic. It’s good to express yourself. One very excellent way to do that is through music, which is such a unique method of expression and can be tailored to your individual tastes. Music is universal, sure, but it is also deeply personal where the musician himself is concerned.”